Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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