the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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