fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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