at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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