The best revenge is premature balding
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
