I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
