Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
