i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
