Your tits are I can't wait for
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He shit in the fireplace
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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