according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
