Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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