I just threw up on my dentist
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Still dying that you shit outside
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize