He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
