Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
