just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
