6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
