so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
