you guys were way drunker than both of me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
