the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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