Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
