I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I understand Curling. That high.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
