I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
