It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
