Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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