he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I skipped work to stalk him.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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