She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
