After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Life is so much better after having sex.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize