There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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