i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
