hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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