every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize