I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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