Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
