That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
