Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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