all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
