She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
