Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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