Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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