$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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