i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
