I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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