Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
