ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
