He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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