In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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