Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
