He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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