My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
