three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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