i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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