his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
