that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
