i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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