bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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