The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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