omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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