Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
too bad you live with your parents still
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
