You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize