yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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