Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
